Rationalized Self-Destruction - A Short Short Play

Rationalized Self-Destruction – A Short-short play

By Roberto Diego

Rationalized Self-Destruction: Destroying one’s highest values with self-justified fictions.

Characters

Andrew

Christina

Setting: A small flat with the sounds of Manhattan from outside

Christina: (Talking on the phone) No, he doesn’t suspect anything. I so look forward to it. Listen, I hear Andrew coming. Gotta go. Call you later. (Enter Andrew - to Andrew) Well, you're up early. What's wrong, the bed bugs biting too hard?

Andrew: Who was that on the phone?

Christina: Look, Fats, did you come down for breakfast or to argue? (She moves over to the counter of the kitchenette and pours a cup of coffee for him - carelessly) Here.

Andrew: You didn't have to spill the damn coffee on me. (She laughs) Give me a napkin. (She hands him a napkin) You really know how to ease things over after an argument. Now who was it?

Christina: I’m past the age of answering to you. So leave it.

Andrew: I’m your husband, not your father.

Christina: Well, you act like my father with all your questions about what I’m doing. Though Dad’s more handsome than you.

Andrew: Christina, who was on the phone?

Christina: It was just an old friend from college. She happens to be in town.

Andrew: You only went one semester to college. How could you have a wonderful life-long friend from college? That scheming look on your face tells me different. You spill coffee all over me as if I’ve made you angry and you act like a child because a girl friend from college calls? I don’t buy it. Who was it?

Christina. Oh, there you go again being jealous and suspicious. If you weren’t so jealous, you wouldn’t be unhappy. See, it’s your own fault.

Andrew: Christina, who was it, and who doesn’t suspect anything? Me?

Christina: Andrew, drop it.

Andrew: Are you having an affair?

Christina: I am not having an affair. (Pause) Well, maybe I’m not having an affair.

Andrew: I am such a fool? Was it me you were talking about? Come on. Tell me.

Christina: Here, eat your eggs.

Andrew: How can I eat when you talk about me on the phone?

Christina: Will you stop being so childish? Any time you don’t know what I’m doing you think it is aimed at you. Maybe I’m planning a surprise party for you. Why are you so paranoid? You have to stop questioning every little thing I do.

Andrew: I will when you start telling the truth. You were talking about me, weren’t you?

Christina: No.

Andrew: All right, then whom were you talking about?

Christina: I told you I wasn’t talking about you. Isn’t that enough?

Andrew: What’s the matter, having trouble thinking up a good lie? Is that bleached-blonde hair clogging your brain?

Christina: Leave me alone, please.

Andrew: No, I want some answers.

Christina: I don't feel well and I'd appreciate it if you'd go on to work.

Andrew: I'm not finished. Who was on the phone?

Christina: Just leave me alone!

Andrew: Who was on the damn phone?

Christina: It was Gordon. Now leave me alone!

Andrew: (Pause) Tom Gordon? So now we know. Why are talking to him? (Dejected)

Christina: Well you introduced us.

Andrew: You are right it is my fault for introducing you two. The very first guy I introduce to you and you have an affair with him.

Christina: Andrew, I've had enough. Please go.

Andrew: So, you've been seeing Tom Gordon.

Christina: No I haven't.

Andrew: Why were you talking to him on the phone?

Christina: It was just a friendly conversation, that's all. He called for you.

Andrew: He did, really? (Pause) Oh Yeah, And I’m supposed to believe that. You’re having an affair. That's why you were so evasive.

Christina: No, that's not true.

Andrew: It most certainly is. You’re just a slut. All this time that I trusted you, you were secretly in love with that…that…. playboy.

Christina: When did you ever trust me?

Andrew: Why did you marry me if you didn’t love me? Was it my money?

Christina: What money? We’re not living in the lap of luxury here. Don't be ridiculous.

Andrew: Ridiculous, huh. Knowing you, the worst is true. What is this, some con game?

Christina: Please stop.

Andrew: Where did I fail you, Chris? I gave you all you wanted, a nice Manhattan apartment, a closet full of the expensive clothes, and a thousand other things most women just dream of. Why do you prefer a weirdo like Gordon, a nothing, a dreamer, a poet.

Christina: He’s not a dreamer. He’s growing, exploring his individuality.

Andrew: Oh, now, you're defending him. That hurts. I guess that garble about him being an artist of higher instincts has gotten to you. That’s what he's got that I don't. You think his blank, empty thoughts are better than my hard work. I should have known that a man like me was too good for you.

Christina: Andrew, you'll be sorry you said that. Not a word of what you 're saying is true. If you don't stop this…

Andrew: There you go again. Protecting him.

Christina: I told you to stop this nonsense. I know you like him too.

Andrew: (long silence) What do you mean by that?

Christina: You like him more than I do. That’s why you are angry.

Andrew: Nonsense? My wife is having a passionate love affair with a kook and I’m the one who likes him. Nothing makes sense now.

Christina: Stop yelling. I'm not going to take any more insults from you. If I were having an affair, it would be because I can’t stand your suspicions.

Andrew: Insults? I'm being kind.

Christina: Well, I've got some kind words too. If you had any pretense at manhood, you wouldn't be so afraid of me having an affair. You don't think you are man enough to hold me. That’s why you’re afraid of Tom. That’s why you are acting like a child now. That’s why you try to make me miserable and drive me to someone else.

Andrew: And now you’re a psychologist. I’m gay and not a man. You are so smart.

Christina: I never said you were gay. (Pause) Oh my God, you are. Well…there it is.

Andrew: Your hateful words mean nothing to me. The fact that you’re covering up an affair is clear enough. The secret to you is that you want to have fun and then blame everyone else for making you do it. You’re just a con artist. You’ve always been able to out talk me.

Christina: Because I’m right.

Andrew: (Puts his head on the table for a few seconds) You’re not having an affair are you?

Christina: (Pause) No, I’m not.

Andrew: (No reaction) Well, I’m going to work. Bye. (Walks out the door)

Christina: (Picks up the phone – CURTAIN)

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